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29 Ways to Annoy People
- Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
- In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage".
- Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
- If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while
talking to others.
- Speak only in a "robot" voice.
- Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
- Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce
that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
- Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper,
99 copies.
- Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
- Sniffle incessantly.
- Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
- Name your dog "Dog".
- Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather
conditions "to keep them tuned up".
- Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
- Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut
training".
- Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors
upstairs for "violating your airspace".
- Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was
a "real hoot".
- Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch
with a can of Lysol.
- Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and copy them
to your boss.
- Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
- Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people
play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
- Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the
neighbors you are a "spider person".
- Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with
prophesy."
- Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
- Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing
awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any
moment.
- Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your
ears.
- Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge
across the room.
- Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal
Howard Cossell voice.
- Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
Author:
Unknown
Received: 1996