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Top 15 Problems Encountered Along the Olympic Torch Route
15. Forward progress hampered by slow moving white Bronco.
14. Torch commandeered in Waco by overzealous ATF agents.
13. One *really* pissed off Smokey the Bear.
12. Budget cuts cause torch to be replaced by less-than-dependable Bic lighter.
11. Difficulty getting melted marshmallows off torch after "s'mores" party got out of hand.
10. Running 7 miles before realizing the torch is still on top of the urinal at the last rest stop.
9. First-degree burns to runners unfamiliar with how to "receive the baton."
8. Jim Bob, lying in wait on the outskirts of Memphis with a case of Bud and a supersoaker.
7. Rosie Ruiz takes flame in NYC -- appears 30 minutes later in Atlanta.
6. Drive-by goosings.
5. Torchbearers driven insane by repeated playing of the "Chariots of Fire" theme.
4. Torch-jackings in urban areas.
3. Crazed hippie terrorists replace Olympic Torch with new Olympic Bong.
2. Male runners repeatedly
get lost and refuse to stop for directions.
And the Number 1 Problem Encountered Along the Olympic Torch Route...
1. Obnoxious drunks who run up and yell, "No, I meant a BUD light!"
Author: Unknown
Received: December 1995