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Politeness
and the JET in Japan
or
How to Pass for Genteel Even if
You Don't Have a Clue
by
Sir Anthony Hand,
Duke of Hanaizumi
For those of us not lucky enough to have been born into British aristocracy, where the Virtues of Politeness and Courtesy have been bred into their blue blood for centuries, we must somehow manage to make do in a culture seemingly dedicated to the high arts of Politeness and Appearance. Take me, for example. I was born with blood about as red as it comes in the inaka of southern Michigan. Worse yet from the Japanese point of view, my family believes firmly in public displays of emotion, including kissing and hugging; telling people openly what we think of their ridiculous opinions; and using all the vacation days we can, and then some if we can get away with it. And yet I manage just fine in Japan without offending my boss and colleagues. Well, at least not too badly anyway.
I think the secret lies with two approaches. The first is to let the ego loose only if it is covered in sashimi and lubed with flat beer. Get used to it. You'll have plenty of opportunities to experience this unique delicacy beginning with your first enkai. For it is in this environment when your supervisor, your office colleagues and fellow teachers will open up and express their true opinions and feelings about any issue. This means saving up those burning issues of yours for parties. Keep a Newton NotePad handy to record notes for later discussion over raw fish and boiled octopus.
The second approach to passing yourself of as genteel in Japan is to just pretend you are visiting with Princess Di. Princess Di seems to be a totally cool gal, for all that she's royalty and all. She is someone with whom you know you need to be polite, precisely because she is royalty and she sure showed Charles a thing or two. But yet you know that she could be a blast at a party. To extend this to your Japanese situation, for example, you would not want to: insult your supervisor by calling him baka (a silly fool) even if you really did mean it in a good way; tell a teacher that if you cannot do things your way and play bingo, then you refuse to go to class; scream at the third old lady that day for staring at you incessantly in the supermarket, nor should you just slug her a good one.
Instead, what you should keep in mind are the following: Be sure to show your appreciation for the many gifts and favors you are likely to receive with a hearty "Arigato!" and, if appropriate, a thank you card. Do not under-estimate the power of gratitude now in winning favors for the future--you will need them. Similarly, be sure to pour as much beer and sake for your boss, colleagues and/or teachers as they are humanly able to drink. This is a sure way to get in their good favor, also with potentially beneficial implications for the future. Finally, learn how to get what you need or want the polite Japanese way, by asking for it in code. For example, you would say, "Gosh, I hear it's really cold in Iwate during the winter. I hope my goldfish doesn't turn into a popsickle while I'm at school." The crude, direct English translation: "In the name of all that's holy, please help me get a heater before my butt freezes off!"
Okay, so the above is written a bit tongue in cheek. But it is basically true. The real secret to building good relations in your office and community lies with keeping in mind that you are a guest and representative of your home country. (Some would add "ambassador," but you do not have diplomatic immunity.) So act accordingly. Be friendly and curious, try to maintain a good sense of humor, always show your gratitude for gifts and favors received (a good "yoroshiku" goes a long way when asking for things, too), and bow when bowed to.
In short, being polite in Japan, though different from your home country, should not be a complete mystery. Put to good use the common, basic courtesy your mother taught you years ago. If it is suffering a bit from lack of use, dust it off and exercise it if you have to. Soon, through keeping your eyes and ears open, you will learn how to employ with ease a few of the special practices Japanese use, too.
Meanwhile, despite the stereotypes to the contrary, people will talk far and wide about what a delightful foreigner they have in their town, even if a bit unpolished at times...